2009 year in review.

Still an R.N.  (21 years now) but not teaching

Continue to be as broke as I have ever been in my entire life.

Snake minions growing slowly

Kids haven’t killed me yet and I haven’t killed them yet.  YET
X husband closer to the end of school

Finally figured out that Mister, man of my dreams, was maybe more like man of my poorly thought out daytime drama.

So.  It was an interesting year for sure.  One of the things I love the most about being a nurse ended this year.  It left me feeling really out of sorts with my career and the company I work for. 

In April I was asked to take on another class of nursing students as their clinical coordinator.  It was something I loved doing.  I have always enjoyed teaching.  However, suddenly the company I work for wanted to talk the “we care about future nurses” talk and not walk the walk.  The clinical days were each twelve hours (x2/week) and then it took about 8 hours more to make assignments, grade care plans, line up specialty speakers for the students and such.   In the past I had dropped a day from my schedule and this was not a problem because we are supposed to be a teaching hospital.  This time though someone decided to be naughty.  I think the reason for this is economic but it still really upset me.  I was told I could not drop a day from my schedule unless I wanted 12 hours per week, of my paid time off, to go bye bye.  I was not willing to do this and I’m not capable of 36 hours per week regular schedule, 24 hours per week clinical days and another 8 hours on care plans and take care of my life and my family.  It really broke my heart and left me with an extremely bad taste in my mouth.

Economically, well, it’s bad.  It’s as bad as it’s ever been.  We got no raise and are being told it will come in April.  We’ll see.  If I could sell my house tomorrow I would do it and move much closer to my job or clear the blazes out of here.   That isn’t happening right now either.  The housing market here is just terrible.  Not getting a raise is a drag, but when you don’t get a raise and you see major projects continuing but are told that it comes out of a different budget, you don’t have to be a brain surgeon to figure out something is rotten in Denmark.

My kids.  Oh my precious darling kids.  I love them so much.  One is 13 and the other 11 and the hormonal rollercoaster is leaving the gate.  When they aren’t fighting with each other, they are fighting with me.  Does anyone have the answer for this?  I mean, of course, besides killing them with my own two hands. Lol.

I’m helping my x get through college.  It isn’t purely sweetness on my part.  This is for my kids benefit and that is why I’m doing it.   I’m really over it though.  It’s like having another child here.  I wonder, so what will happen when he’s done?  I wonder if it would be possible to turn the basement into his home with the understanding that I’m not the fixer anymore.  That that is his home, this is mine, rent will be paid first and anything else he has trouble with, well it’s his trouble.  You may be asking, gosh won’t it be hard to form a relationship with some else.  I don’t really care about that.  I’m not 26 anymore.  I’m 46.  It isn’t that I feel hopeless that there is someone out there for me.  I just don’t care about trying to find them anymore. 

The longest, hardest, sweetest, more perfect, most destructive, most heartbreaking relationship of my life ended in May of this year.   After 10 years of loving someone with all of my heart I realized that the things I loved were not enough to change the fact that this fellow just could not fish with one worm on his hook.  I wish him all the best and I really hope that he figures out his drama issues.  I for one figured out my drama issue and that is why we are no longer together.   I’d have done anything for it to go differently but it just didn’t and there is nothing I can do to change that.

So that has been the quick and dirty on 2009.  

I started 2010 with H1N1.  I sure hope that isn’t a preview for the whole year cuz it was terrible!

Kris

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